Just Ask Joyce

By Joyce Oglesby Q: “My child has a sensitive food disorder. It’s not detectable to look at her, but if she happens to eat something that triggers the sensitivity, it manifests itself in acting out and even temper tantrums. When I’m in public, I’m often embarrassed at the disruption because people are rude with their looks and sometimes even make critical comments about my parenting. My husband gets frustrated because I don’t want to go out to dinner with or without our child, but I don’t feel comfortable leaving her at home, either. It’s a [...]

By Joyce Oglesby Q: “I don’t want to lose my husband, but he wants to stay in his affair and stay married to me. He presents a great argument for the reasoning — he doesn’t want our kids to have part-time parents, we’d have to split everything, and it would be difficult for both of us to economically survive. I’m torn because I love him, but I’m not sure I can share him, either. How do I convince myself to be OK with something I’m not comfortable with?Joyce: A twisted arm will never find relief [...]

By Joyce Oglesby Q: “I’m confused about exposing my young toddler to digital devices. The moms’ group I’m in is divided on the issue, as well. Some of them have already provided smartphones for their preteens. Can you offer any advice about what I should do?” Joyce: This truly is a controversial issue. But for most parents, it’s either clearly yes or adamantly no. No one can refute the idea that we live in a highly technological world. It has its benefits and its drawbacks. Kids are learning fewer oral and written communication skills, no [...]

By Joyce Oglesby Q: “When you get married, does your husband’s past debt become your debt? We’ve been married for three years, and a sizable student loan suddenly appeared. This was something I knew nothing about until now, and he expects me to help pay this down with my savings. We’ve had a great relationship, but this has already brought tension. I don’t want a divorce, but now what?”Joyce: Once we begin to categorize — his, hers, yours, mine — it takes the “ours” out of the time we have together.These are areas in relationships that [...]

Q: “How can I develop conversation between my daughter and me? Once she hit puberty, she stopped talking to me. She has always felt comfortable telling me things, but not anymore. She talks all the time on her phone, but never to her mom. Help!”Joyce: Two things: limit phone use and start a writing dialogue. Kids will define their circle of confidantes, and many times parents will not be in those boundaries.But, let’s be fair. Why does she need to talk to you when she has unlimited contact with kids her age? You’re the mom. [...]

By Joyce Oglesby Q: “My live-in partner of eight years thinks he owns me. We have had a child together, and that, in essence, was the unraveling of our relationship. Before our daughter, everything was wonderful. As long as I was available to him every second, we got along great. Once I became a mother, things drastically changed. He wants sex on demand like it was before kids — and it’s not always a good time for moms to drop what they’re doing. I’m exhausted! I do everything, and he looks after himself. He goes [...]