Well, ladies, we have a first! This month, the Today’s Woman editorial team simply could not decide on just one She Asks, She Answers dilemma. Maybe it’s the Valentine’s Day energy in the air, or maybe love just has a way of keeping things complicated. Either way, we’re giving you a twofer—because February is all about relationships, and sometimes, those relationships come with messy, head-scratching situations.
This month, we tackle two letters: one from a woman whose best friend’s man has been sliding into her DMs a little too comfortably, and another from a woman who just found out the engagement ring on her finger was originally meant for someone else. Grab your wine, tea, or whatever fuels your best judgment—because these two women need answers, and you know we’re not holding back.
My Best Friend’s Man is in My DMs
She Asks:
My best friend has been dating her boyfriend for almost two years, and for the most part, I’ve always liked him. But recently, he’s started DM’ing me, nothing outright inappropriate, but too friendly. Compliments, inside jokes, even the occasional “Wish you were here” when they’re out. At first, I thought I was overreacting, but it’s happening more often, and now I feel weird. I haven’t told my friend because I don’t want to cause problems, but should I say something or just ignore it?
TW Femme Anom Answers:
Girl, let’s be clear. If you feel weird, it’s weird. A taken man’s DM habits should be like his taxes…transparent and never sketchy. This guy is testing the waters, and the question isn’t whether you should tell your friend, it’s how.
First, set a boundary. Respond less, be dry, make it uncomfortable for him to continue. If he doesn’t get the hint and keeps pushing, screenshot everything and prepare to have the talk with your friend. But be strategic. Lead with concern, not accusation. Try something like, “Hey, I don’t know if this means anything, but your guy keeps messaging me and it’s making me uncomfortable.” This keeps the focus on his actions, not on you as the messenger.
If she gets defensive, let it go. You can’t control her reaction, but you can control your peace. And if his behavior escalates? That’s not just a red flag, it’s a whole parade.
The Engagement Ring That Wasn’t Meant for Me
She Asks:
I recently got engaged, and at first, I was over the moon, until I found out that the ring my fiancé proposed with was originally intended for his ex. He bought it right before they broke up, kept it, and then used it for me. He says it doesn’t mean anything, that I’m the only one he wants, but I can’t shake the weird feeling. Am I overreacting?
TW Femme Anom Answers:
So, let me get this straight. You’re supposed to walk around flashing a ring that was meant for a whole other woman? You’re not overreacting. You’re having a completely normal reaction to something that feels, let’s just say, off.
Now, does this mean he’s not serious about you? Not necessarily. But the fact that he didn’t even mention it upfront makes this feel less like a symbol of commitment and more like… a clearance sale.
Here’s the real question. Do you feel valued? A ring isn’t just jewelry, it’s a statement. If every time you look at it, you think about his past relationship, that’s a problem. And honestly, if he had been upfront about it, this might have been a slightly different conversation. But the fact that you had to find out tells me he knew it was a thing.
So, what now? If this really bothers you, say something. And if he brushes it off, consider whether this is about more than just a ring. It’s about what you deserve, and girl, you deserve to be the only woman this proposal was meant for.
What Do You Think?
Would you tell your best friend about the sketchy DMs? Would you accept an engagement ring with a past? Sound off in the comments, and let’s get into it.
Until next time, keep the questions coming. Love might be complicated, but your standards don’t have to be.
—TW Femme Anom
