By Tawana Bain | Owner & Publisher
Putting restrictions on love may determine if we ever find it. Whether it’s love of self or someone else, we are often the keeper of establishing the very barriers prohibiting self-love or the ability to love others.
Love is complicated enough with the many limitations we set, and when we choose to only date within our race, our options shrink. We might be concerned about the reaction of family and friends or wonder how well they will adjust to being around people from a different background. How do we challenge the self-limiting thoughts that are most likely louder in our own heads than in others? “What will the neighbors think? Will my mom and dad approve? What happens if it doesn’t work out? I now have an interracial kid. Would I be damaged goods to someone of my own race?” The reality is, some of the most victorious love stories I have had the honor of witnessing are those who threw caution to the wind and put their hearts first.
I am often struck by both men and women who describe their “type.” In several instances, my curiosity was piqued and I asked a few whether they would date outside their race. The reactions and caught off “guard-ness” was always astonishing. And in each of those instances, I left realizing how liberating it is to be open to falling for someone despite their race.
Also, I am mystified by those who question whether two people from different cultures “truly” love each other. As if it must be something “other” than love. The looks and questions I’ve received with a white significant other are very different than questions I have been asked when dating within my race. Why are we intrigued by this? How long will it take before interracial relationships become normalized?
As you read about the couples featured in Shades of Love, imagine this: Fifty-five years ago, they would have been prosecuted. Our country didn’t legalize interracial marriage until 1967 in Loving v. Virginia, but now we are living in a world where we are free to love whomever we choose. Take advantage of it.
I believe we should be with someone who is investing in and celebrating our brilliance. If we let race dictate whom we date, we could be missing out on the possibility of meeting a wonderful person. Also, I believe dating or marrying outside of our race allows us to gain better insight into other cultures and we learn how to become comfortable with being in social situations with friends, family, and new acquaintances who don’t look like us.
The love of my life is an incredible man who happens to be white. Falling in love is beautiful — regardless of the who or hue — but I think for some of us, the thought of dating outside of our race is intimidating. Could you be struggling with overcoming the stereotypes that have been perpetuated by historic laws that had no place in our court system? Or are you annoyed when you see someone of your race dating outside their race? If so, ask yourself why. Check your heart, sis. What’s in your heart may ultimately destroy any chance of true love existing in your life.
Are you looking for a relationship? What are you waiting for? I challenge you to cross the cultural line.
Take a chance. You just might find the love of your life waiting for you on the other side. #weseeyousis #todayssisters