Friday, September 4, 2015

Just Ask Joyce: “My husband’s sexual fantasy bothers me.”

Q: “Do you think it is permissible for a husband and wife to play out a fantasy in their sexual lives? We are in our late 20s, married only five years. A couple of years ago my husband and I shared our wildest sexual fantasies just for fun. Mine involved him; his involved other people and me. I didn’t realize how adversely it affected me, but ever since that time, whenever we make love, I find myself holding back. He has mentioned the fantasy again several times recently, saying that it might ‘spice up our sex life!’ Should I feel threatened by this? I haven’t discussed it again. I’m silent when he mentions it, and I’m not quite sure how to feel about our spousal security now.”


Joyce: Your husband’s words have really leveled your heart. If you truly desire to regain confidence in your marriage, he deserves to know how desperate you are feeling.

The suggestion of inviting someone else into such an intimate act between a husband and wife should rock your world. It is the most sacred act between husband and wife. I am fully aware of “different strokes for different folks” in the swinging world, but I’m an old school type and am very territorial when it comes to who shares a bed with my husband.

Having been in the legal industry and in my role as a relationship expert for many years, I rarely hear of any couple who invites a third party into the bedchambers, whether in the flesh or via film, to be completely content in their relationship with one another. If satisfaction was in place, there would be no desire or need to ‘bump it up a notch.’ That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

Face your giant. Your marriage depends on it. Give your husband a chance to redeem himself. Your silence on the subject leaves much to conjecture on his part. He might interpret it as a lack of interest to please him. Or that he no longer excites you. Perhaps he might feel lacking in his performance, and his ego is taking a real beating. (Every woman knows that’s never a good place for her man!)

If this continues to deprive you both of sexual pleasure, you leave opportunities for misinterpreted messages, and temptation loves the prospect they afford. Talk with your husband. Tell him how emotionally distraught you are concerning this issue. Make him aware of how threatened and insecure you have felt since he shared the fantasy and especially since the suggestion has been made repeatedly. Agree that it will never be mentioned again. Then, the two of you must vow to get your feet planted firmly on the path to oneness for just the two of you.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fix-It Pro, at justaskjoyce@gmail.com. I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at JustAskJoyce.com. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and get connected to great family nourishing ideas! Join me on Just Ask Joyce live on WFIA 94.7fm/900am weekdays at 3pm.

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