Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Just Ask Joyce: “We met online, but now he wants me to fly out and get married.”

Q: “I met a gentleman online. We’ve been communicating for several months. I have never shared with anyone like I have this man. I feel as though I know everything about him, and I have fallen head over heels in love with him. He wants me to fly to California to meet him and perhaps get married while there. I was hoping for a closer relationship, but that didn’t happen. I never factored in that I might be asked to move away from my family and give up my job here. I’m afraid if I say no, he will end the relationship. What am I to do?”

Joyce: Online romances can be risky. I have heard many glorious stories that have fairytale endings, but I have heard equally as many horrific ones. So it goes without saying to be cautious. Having that out of my system, let’s get you an answer.

My gut response would be if he’s all that interested in you, why is he not coming to you? The suggestion might sound somewhat old-fashioned, but I believe there is merit in having the interested man pursue the woman. Women often make themselves too vulnerable to a man’s whims. I realize there are circumstances to which I’m not privy, but on the surface I see no reason why you must be subjected to the initial travel. The West Coast is inviting, but he needs to visit your world, especially as a man who wants to put a ring on your finger.

I understand an abiding relationship has developed between the two of you, but in order to seal the deal, one of you will have to give up common surroundings and a sense of security. My sense tells me he thinks it’s going to be you pulling up stakes. Make a list of all the aspects of your life that will change should you be the uprooted party. Are you willing to trade those for love that might be real or could be risky?

Find out how serious he is about taking your relationship further. I would personally never advise a face-to-face meeting for the first time that concluded in a marriage ceremony. Emails and texting reveal a lot about people, but not always their truest colors.

A proposal sounds enticing, but the proposition of your relocation is something that is obviously not as appealing to you. The reality could be a game-changer for him or yourself. So, before the game begins, find out how serious he is by encouraging him to be the first to make the trip. He should be spending serious time meeting your family, and the two of you should get to know one another on a more personal level.

Do your homework. You know a lot about one another, but there are many things yet to explore. Before you think of tying the knot with someone you’ve fallen in love with through written words, let him prove his actions speak louder.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fix-It Pro™, at justaskjoyce@gmail.com. I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at JustAskJoyce.com. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and get connected to great family nourishing ideas! Join me on Just Ask Joyce live on WFIA 94.7fm/900am weekdays at 3pm.

1 comment:

  1. BULLSHIT!!! It is impossible to "meet" someone "online":. You have no idea who you are dealing with.
    Until you spend in-person time with someone and see how the react to you and others and different situations, that person may be ANYTHING! (Pedophile, ax murderer, bank robber, serial killer, or near perfect person. But you don't know yet!

    ReplyDelete

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