Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Just Ask Joyce: “My marriage is in shambles.”

Q: “My marriage is in shambles. We have three children. Our youngest daughter is headed to college and loneliness will soon set in. My husband and I have slept in separate bedrooms for the last 13 years. We rarely speak to one another. He continues to provide for all the household needs. I have never suspected another woman in the mix, but I don’t know what tomorrow might bring. Any advice would be appreciated.”

Joyce: Time is amazing. Everyone gets an equal share, but some people manage to squeeze more out of theirs.

Your focus has, obviously, been on your children and not your marriage. I’m certain 13 years ago this upcoming day seemed like the far-distant future, but here you are. Attempting to get a plan this late in the game will be challenging, though certainly not impossible. Don’t wait any longer.
  • Plan a summit. Ask your husband for a time the two of you can talk. Tiptoeing around the elephant in the room is not going to give you clear vision for your future.
  • Ask the question. The do-you-still-love-me issue must be addressed. His answer will likely direct the conversation. Pursue answers for whether you two have a future together once your daughter leaves home or exactly what his plans are.
  • Seek to mend. I believe every marriage can be mended — if there are two willing hearts. You both have wasted many years. Quite honestly, the likelihood of salvaging this is small, but never underestimate the power of love if an inkling exists.
  • Decide to survive. Your attitude will direct your future. You can view life as too difficult, or you can accept the challenge that lies before you. The facts won’t change, but your response will dictate how you sail through the storm. Don’t allow fear to paralyze you.
  • Loneliness is a choice. There are many lonely people who could cure the ailment if only they would engage with other lonely people. Join an organization where you can benefit children through a volunteer capacity. Visit shut-ins. Join a book club, Bunco group, Bible fellowship, take up golf, etc. There are far too many options available for one to succumb to loneliness.
  • Develop a strategy. Seek legal counsel and financial advisement and set some attainable goals for your future. Go back to school. Rediscover your gifts, talents, and skills.
Life is not over unless you decide to merely exist while still drawing breath. You are today’s woman, not yesterday’s tragedy. That’s why God gave us heels, so slide on, dig in, and take off!

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fix-It Pro™, at I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and get connected to great family nourishing ideas! Join me on Just Ask Joyce live on WFIA 94.7fm/900am weekdays at 3pm.

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