Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Just Ask Joyce: “My longtime boyfriend won’t propose.”

Q: “My longtime boyfriend will not pop the question. I wasn’t the one who hinted engagement initially — he was. But once he mentioned marriage, he whetted my appetite. His excuse has been that he’s saving his money, but it’s been three years, and I have yet to see a ring. Lately, he has suddenly dropped all talk about tying the knot and gets really snippety when I inquire. How can I get him to pop the question without feeling like I’m nagging him into it?”

Joyce: In my experience as a relationship expert, I have seen your scenario happen all too frequently. Men and women are eager to “take the car for a test-drive” and not bring it back for a year or two or three. Sometimes, they’re still testing it out when the mileage warranty expires. Then, it’s time to trade it in for another test-run model.

The optimist in me would tell you he’s dropping the subject so he can really surprise you. The realist in me would say the message is loud and clear — he has no intentions of giving you a ring. But pay no attention to what I say, or anyone else for that matter. Here’s the true litmus test: You know!

In our heart of hearts, we know these things. Apart from God, you and your boyfriend are the only ones privy to the history the two of you have shared. You know where you were a year ago, six months ago, and today in your relationship. A good indicator is that if you have to inquire, something has definitely changed.

Not many folks like the advice I am about to give, but those who take it find answers. It’s ultimatum time. Tell him you want to give yourselves a break. It’s time for soul-searching. Is it for keeps? Is it not? You owe it to each other to know. Then, give it a break for a set amount of time, but at least a month. If he is truly in it for the long haul, he’ll produce a ring sooner than he had planned. If he’s been looking for an out, he’ll take it and run.

Whatever happens, you win. Wedding bells will be closer for you — either from him or the prince who has been searching for someone like you for a lifetime.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro™ at joyce@JustAskJoyce.com. I’m here to help! Tune in to the Just Ask Joyce Show weekdays at 3pm on WFIA 94.7fm or 90.0am. For more resources, go to JustAskJoyce.com.

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