Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Just Ask Joyce: "How do I know if Mr. Wonderful is actually Mr. Right?"

Q: “I'm in my third year of a relationship and not sure it’s where I want to be. He is a wonderful man. He’s kind and generous with his time and money. He pays attention to my needs and makes me feel special. He remembers every occasion and makes it unique. I sense he is going to pop the question, but I don’t think I feel a lifetime connection with him. Perhaps I don’t know what I want since I have never felt that ‘wow’ sensation with any man. At 35 years old, should I settle for someone I may not love?"

Joyce: The fact that you failed to mention his phone number has probably upset a few thousand women!

I fondly remember pursuing the man of my dreams. For me, it was instant. I found myself thinking of him constantly, dreaming of a moment alone with him, anticipating conversation, hopeful for attention from him, and even planning a life journey with him! Oh, yes, I had it bad. A chance introduction would change my life forever, and the rest is history.

Who can explain the head-over-heels-in-love feeling better than those of us who have been there? Regardless of shared recitations of a red-hot romance, the proof is in the pudding – yours. When you know, you know. Once you have been enlightened, there is no lingering doubt.

Your Mr. Wonderful sounds like an ideal Mr. Right. The picture you paint is one that seems to be an in-it-for-keeps relationship on his part. But if he’s not the perfect fit for you, you would be doing yourself a huge disservice. You, likewise, could devastate the heart of a well-meaning man.

So how do you step back and assess if he’s the one? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I think about him when I’m away from him?
  • Am I glad to be apart for more than two or three days?
  • Do I look forward to time spent with him?
  • Do I call/text/email out of a desire to communicate or just because I probably should?
  • Do I value his opinion?
  • If he broke up with me, would I feel wounded?
  • Can I imagine life without him?
  • If someone else was interested in me, would I abandon the relationship?

There are worse things in life than being single. Being married to someone you don’t love or to someone who doesn’t love you can be a miserable existence. There is much more to love than the physical attraction, but none would debate that desirability is a huge part of romance. Exploring the options of what you can live with versus what you can’t live without should carry a lot of weight in any relationship. Don’t be pressured by time or the desire to be married. A good man is hard to come by, but a good man deserves a woman who keeps him that way.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro™, at I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at

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