Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The guy I'm dating seems a little controlling...What does Joyce say?

Q: “I'm 16 and in a confusing relationship. I love the guy, or at least I think I do. We've been together for nine months. Lately I've noticed he's become controlling. Sometimes he doesn't like what I wear, who I hang out with, or what I do in general. I've lost several friends since our relationship began; I've hurt my family; I've changed so much. When I voice my disapproval about his control, things get better but it sneaks back in slowly. My head says one thing, but my heart says another. Can you help point me in the right direction?

Joyce: Don’t pass go, don’t collect $200, RUN! This guy wants to monopolize your life.

I hear your heart, and it wants to love him, but if you only think you do, chances are you’re not even going to like him when the real control sets in. You have a great basis for understanding the important ingredients in a meaningful relationship – love, trust, respect, loyalty, family, and legacy.

You already know what you should do, but here’s your nudge: You should absolutely break away from the control that is smothering the power within you. You’re not married and, thankfully, no children are involved. Cut your losses and break free while no strings are attached.

The drama surrounding your relationship will set the stage for a life of complete chaos for you if you continue this relationship. Don’t operate under the false assumption that "you will change him" or "he has promised he'll change." Everything you are witnessing in this uncommitted relationship will only become exacerbated, and you will lose yourself in the process.

Having grown up in a male chauvinistic home, I recognize the signs of control... but so do you. Your boyfriend has all the makings of a chauvinist. Take heed to the red flags in this relationship. Should he ever marry you (and there's no guarantee he will), imagine how that marriage "license" will give him complete authority over you.

Trust your gut, don't ignore the red flags, protect your mind, heart and soul, and simply RUN! Settle for nothing less than someone who respects and honors you for the woman you are, not for the woman "he wants" you to be. You deserve more, you are worth more, and you can get more.

Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fitness Pro™, at joyce@justaskjoyce.com. I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources today at JustAskJoyce.com.

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